The Six Most Common Reasons For Relationship Break-Ups And How To Correct Them
There are many reasons why relationships that once looked like they would last forever suddenly fall apart. The truth is that relationships don’t suddenly fall apart it is something that happens over a long period of time and often before a two people have ever met.
In my years of study and counseling of relationships I have found that most relationship problems can be traced back to low levels of self-esteem in one or both people. There is a direct correlation between the quality of your loving relationships and your level of self-esteem. You can only like yourself to the degree in which you fully accept yourself, and your level of self-esteem is largely determined by how much you are accepted by others.
Here are the six most common factors that I have found that seem to lie at the root of most arguments, disagreements and divorces:
1. A lack of commitment on the part of one or both people in the relationship. In other words there is only partial or a half commitment to the relationship. It’s when the partners say something like, “I’ll go half way and you half way,” and as soon as one party decides to go less than 50 percent a split usually opens up in the relationship, which usually grows wider over time.
The best way to overcome this lack of commitment is to commit yourself totally to the relationship without any strings attached. Get into the relationships with all your heart and never consider the possibility of the relationship ever failing or not working out. If it doesn’t work out for some reason, then, it won’t be because you weren’t committed to it fully.
2. Trying to change the other person is another common reason for relationships breaking up. When you try to change another person or expect the other person to change it is simply another form of rejection. It’s another way of one partner saying to the other, “You’re not good enough for me.” Whenever you try to change another person you are implying that he or she is not good enough for you and you trigger a feelings of anger and resentment in that person.
The fact is that people don’t change very much. They may grow and develop different interests, but basically they stay the same type of person. So, the solution to this problem is to simply accept your partner as he or she is. Because, if you cannot accept the behavior or personality of the other person that should be a good indication as to whether or not it the right relationship for you to get into in the first place.
3. Another common reason for the break-up of relationships is jealousy. Jealousy is always experienced in the mind and heart of the person feeling the emotion. It is an emotion that rises from a feeling of low self-esteem and feelings of personal inferiority. The person who feels jealous in a relationship feels that no one could ever love him or her for being the kind of person that he or she is.
The best way to over come jealousy is to realize that it has nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with your own level of self-esteem. When your own level of self-esteem is high you’ll realize that nothing that anyone does or doesn’t do can affect your value as a person.
4. Self-Pity or feeling sorry for something that your partner has either done or not done to or for you is a often found as a reason for relationships breaking-up. Often people will experience self-pity because their partner will be so busy or happy with his or her own work or career that the person experiencing the self-pity feels left out.
The best way to deal with self pity is not to do or not do something, but rather to get so busy with your own goals that you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself. Remember, you are responsible for your own emotions, and your own happiness or unhappiness. No one makes you feel anything. If you feel self-pity it is because you choose to feel sorry for yourself.
5. Negative expectations are a common cause for relationships breaking up. This is when you expect your partner to do something to disappoint you. In life our expectations either positive or negative tend to be fulfilled. The most important words you can ever say to your partner or spouse are “I love you” and “I believe in you.”
The best way to combat negative expectations is to always expect the best of your partner. Always tell him or her that you have complete confidence and faith in his or her ability to do anything that he or she puts his or her mind to. The most successful men and women today and throughout history have credited much if not all of their success to the positive and unshakable confidence of their partner or spouse.
6. One of the most common reasons for the break-up of relationships is incompatibility. This is also one of the most common reasons for unhappiness in relationships. Relationships begin because two people feel that they have a lot in common, however, as the years pass people grow, mature, and develop different interests which often cause them to grow apart.
The best way to combat incompatibility is to realize that the word “love” is an action word. This means that you if you want to feel the emotions of love you need to do things for your partner that a loving person would do. You need to start doing small favors, acts of kindness, give gifts, and do things that make the other person happy.
When you do these types of things it actually causes you to love the other person even more. However, when you stop doing these things it is very possible and likely that you will begin to fall out of love with the person you’re with or married to.
Incompatibility is one of the most common reasons for the break-up of any relationship. When you do the things consistent with the emotions of love over and over again and become a more caring, attentive and understanding partner it often will rekindle the flames of your relationship.
Copyright©2007 by Joe Love and JLM & Associates, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
Joe Love draws on his 25 years of experience helping both individuals and companies build their businesses, increase profits, and success coaching programs. He is the founder and CEO of JLM & Associates, a consulting and training organization, specializing in career coach training. Through his seminars and lectures, Joe Love addresses thousands of men and women each year, including the executives and staffs of many businesses around the world, on the subjects of leadership, achievement, goals, strategic business planning, and marketing. Joe is the author of three books, Starting Your Own Business, Finding Your Purpose In Life, and The Guerrilla Marketing Workbook.